Adjusting...

This is the major theme for all of us here in the ershbock household right now...

I'm adjusting to being a nursing mama again, as well as finding that it really is possible to be as totally and incredibly in love with yet another person, as I am with Adora....
And i'm adjusting to how different the two of them are...sooo different it baffles me really...

Both of their demeanors were somewhat predictable by how they were in the womb, so far anyway...Adora was allways a fireball. Even in the womb she would jump and twirl and kick with such excitement... And then when she was out she was just as lively... wanting constant attention and always alert and active and playful...

Chloe, on the other hand, seems to be more gentle and docile by nature. very calm, easily consoled and patient... While she was in my belly I could almost hear this shy little politeness everytime she moved, like "oh excuse me, i'm sorry, i just got to move, here, ok that's better, thanks, sorry to bother you...' but all so cute and cuddly and warm... touching..very tender...(of course all this must be said with the admittance that it is quite possibly more likely to be way too early to tell...though I choose to believe I have a very valid point...)

Eddie says Adora is his baby and this one is mine... He's mostly joking I think, but Chloe does look a lot more like I did... of course he was reffering to how Adora is both a daddy's girl, and a little bit of a tomboy, and Chloe seems more delicate...not that I am delicate at all really, i'm actually tomboyish myself, he just thinks i'd probably prefer a calmer baby, and that maybe Chloe will end up preferring me instead of him...

The girls are both adjusting as well... To each other on some level as well as the new world around them. Chloe to the one outside her mama's belly, full of noises and temperature changes, cheek teasers and painful encounters, ups and downs, times of bundling up and times of arms flailing, searching for solidity... And Adora to the one that includes this new little one that also gets loved on by all her favorite people... mostly mama, which is unbearable enough, but even grammy and her beloved dadda as well...

Poor Adora may have it the hardest I think. She was still sick, when I went into labor, in fact still is now, and I think the near 3 days without me was a little much for her... she does worship her daddy yes, but she's used to having me all day long every day so to not even see me for so long threw her off a bit to say the least. Especially since when once she did finally get to come and see me, there I am with this little baby in my arms and joy on my face, and she looks at me like "so this is what you've been up to huh?....how could you do this to me?" She probably felt abandoned, replaced, betrayed and tricked all at the same time...

The first few days were pretty rough. She would just say "no no no nooooo" feverishly, shaking her head and getting all worked up no matter what we offered her, but especially with me,every time she saw me and the baby, or even when I would reach for her to hold her or kiss her, she'd refuse me and cling to her daddy... She seemed so hurt and mad and confused.. It was so sad, and a little scarry. We all thought she would be so excited and instead she seemed like she might never forgive me...

By the 3rd day in the hospital though she was starting to cheer up a little and show interst in the baby, and now it's looking even better, either because she's feeling better (healthwise) in general, or she realizes, now that I'm home, that I haven't left her to go live in this big building far away with this other baby that I hold and hug and kiss and don't even miss her...or both... She's really seeming to rather like the idea of having a baby around now, in fact she'll look for her when she doesn't see her and she goes into the room to check on her, and leans in to kis her or hug her, and tells everybody about her, with an almost proud big sister air about her... So long as I'm not giving the baby more attention than her... She got all worried once when the baby was crying, and came to find me, and at first we thought 'oh how cute, she's telling mommy to go get the baby', till I discovered she only wanted to barracade me into the bathroom, knowing that I only wanted to leave to go comfort the baby... oh my did she throw a fit!!! when I got around her anyway...

And so I'm also adjusting to a whole new level of parenting... One that caters to two, without partiality, one that balances time in ways previously impossible, one that shows both babies the love and care that they need, with out a cause for jealousy... And I'm adjusting to a new pendulum swing of exshaustion, and overjoyed excitedess... one that is falling asleep nursing one baby one minute and tossing and tickling another baby the next...

Eddie too is adjusting to similar things in regards to parenting... heavier responsibilities, higher standards... more of everything,.. A family of 4 is very different, and bigger than a family of 3...He feels it in ways I cannot fully know, all with a love that he knew not was in him, and a weight he hopes to be worthy to bear. He feels honored... I think, and challenged as well. but excited, and hopeful...

My mother as well has many levels of new life to adjust to. a major part being the recollection of motherhood...She's the grammy still, but taking on a more demanding role, being primarry caretaker of her "3 girls", She does most of the cooking and cleaning, and running after Adora... this little creature, whose so willful, and insightful, and playful, and desiring to learn and to please... She follows grammy everywhere, and hides everywhere... Grammy's adjusting to the role of caretaker, with less control than she usually has, and less energy than she once had, in an unfamiliar house, in an unfamiliar town... while her big baby (my dad) is home and in need of her love and care and calling up to five times a day...(even he has a lot to get used to)

Our plan of late is to try and get grampy out here for a little while, seeing as we have no idea when we'll ever be able to even afford a trip to illinois, let a lone have the time or energy...

Anyway... My favorite is watching the babies take to each other... I was afraid it was going to take more time, but it looks as if adora is falling in love with her "baby". I tell her it's her baby, that i went and picked her out just for her... and she's accepting my part as the baby's mama as well as her mama... At least she can't talk to well yet, and say something like my brother did when they first brought me home..."you know i really just wanted puppies". No we get to watch her go from pure adoration and awe, to screaming like a lunatic if grammy even thinks of picking her up... She's either thinking, "my baby, you can't touch her" or else "no you're my grammy, nobody else's".... Either way, it's kind of cute, and at least she shows in many ways that she is happy, and welcomes our new little love