a hope and prayer for breakthrough

I think I'm starting to understand the nature of my distress. I have always been rather inwardly focused, and I think that this can lead a person to either a sickly pride, or a bitter discontentment. I'ts like this Jennifer Knapp song..."my soul can't see, when i only think of me, my heart can't hear, when I only think of my own fears"... but also as the song goes on to say "they are gone in a moment... " when I look to the Lord, who is "forever the same"...
I'm contemplating a life of meditation. Maybe that sounds odd...but the thing is, it's hard enough, in the seeming busyness of my life, just to stop for a moment and let my thoughts and heart dwell on the things of God....the love and patience, the peace that He has for us. I am almost always consumed by just the next thing I need to do, while I'm doing whatever it was I was "reminding myself to do" the moment before... I really wonder how I can achieve an inner peace, not in my own strength of course, but in a way that permeates my life... The more I read God's word, the more I am overcome by promises that seem to have no bearing on my reality at all. They seem so distant...so unnattainable... to list a few..."rest for your soul", "rivers of living water" "life abundant" or in the original testement, "my soul shall be satisfied" "strength to the weary" "fly on wings like an eagle's" ....Anyway, it seems to me that all these promises really aren't unconditional. Rather it says, "those who wait on the Lord..." "come to me and I will give you..." and I think I just haven't thought really hard on what coming to and waiting on the Lord really means....for one, waiting implies it taking time, so right there it's not an instant guarentee, and I think maybe I've been treating it as if it were. Hence my contemplating a life of meditation... Meditating on the promises of God, rather than reading them and wondering why there seems to be such a great lack of their fulfillment in my life. I have to realize, at the very least, that coming to Jesus is not a simple one time deal...it is a constant surrendering, a consistent leaning on and looking to... and though I feel like I cry out often, I still am only looking at my needs, not at God's heart for me.
If God is love, than it could be said that God not only is patient, but is Patience, is Understanding, is Kindness... and so when I lack these, especially with my husband or my daughter, I am convinced it is because I am focusing my thoughts on the wrong things.... I am not surrending myself in a way that lets His love and light penetrate my weariness and frustration...
So this is where I am...at first admitting that I have been doing things all wrong, and it's no wonder things aren't really working for me. But even in admitting this, I still am so far way from change. I am also an extremely insecure person, and it may be this fact alone, far above any other, that causes, such heartache and turmoil in my marriage and the rest of my life. And while I want to say I may be coming to a point of breakthrough, I am also afraid that there is no hope. But it has been said, "With God all things are possible"...my one prayer at this moment is that this may be true...I mean for me, in this area, that I need to not give up, for victory shall come... that help is on the way...