Saturday, September 16, 2006

my wonderful first day back on the job

My job. My REAL job. The job of all jobs. The job where I actually have a title. The job I love. The job of "Mommy"

That's right; I'm back!!!

What?
How?
When?
Why?
For how long?
(you might be asking)

Well, i'll try to make this quick-
the hubby has started working full time, and we thought we could do day care, but can't (a semi long story i may tell some other time) so, rather than me working part time, we figured it was better for me to just quit, and the hubster could work full... since we can't arrange our schedules in a way that we both work...

hence, i am 'mommy' once again!!!
-starting yesterday-

i am sooo excited!!!

and i had such an eventful first day i thought i'd share...

first off...
hubby works at 6am- and i have to drive him- ha ha!!!! ha!
fun!
so i do...
(the one exception was this day- his first day- he didn't start till 7, and we were late! )

we got there around 7:30, and i got home a little after 8, putz around with my parents for a few (my mom on her way to work, my dad thinking off going for a ride on his bike, (that would be his morcycle), and i try to decide if i want to stay up or not, and end up giving in to going back to bed, even though the realtor was planning to come around 9:30 to 'show the house' -meaning she'll be bringing people with her, 'strangers' whom i have no need to impress, but fear i must anyway and had already stayed up half the night before cleaning the house to do just that)

so... about 10:30 (lucky me) the doorbell rings andi jumpout of bed, 1/2 patting myself on the back for thinking to get dressed before i fell back asleep and 1/2 kicking myself in the head for the hideous concoction of clothes that i came up with...

oh well, 'hello!' i say to the people as i open the door (the people being 1, the realtor 2, the man and 3, the lady
the lady- 'hi'
the realtor- 'you were expecting us?' she had to ask, as if commenting on my appearence or the delay in gettting to the door, i'm not sure which
'come on in' i say as if not to notice

i look around in awe that i actually did manage to get the house rather clean and nice looking...

'there's just one room we can't go in cuz the babies are sleeping'

-oh sure
-no problem
-we know all about that

(me thinking 'oh my gosh did i just admit that i have kids that i let sleep in till 11 !!?!!'

i tried my best to stay out of their way, even though they were trying to make small talk, and later i could only imagine what an idiot i must have looked like, with dreadlocks and an unmatching 'outfit' and nonsense coming out of my mouth...

(they asked)-you said babies? (emaphassis on the plural)

'oh yeah, this is my parents house, we're just visiting'

-oh visiting
-we know all about that

................or another time...................

the realtor- 'let's take a look in the garage'

me- 'ya, if you can see through all those boxes'

the lady- 'oh my yes, a lot of boxes'

me- 'ya a lot of it's mine, i gotta go through it'

................i should've tried harder to stay out of the way!!.....................

so then, they left and not a second later both the girls chime in

'waaaaaa waaaa waaaaaaaaaa"
'ehhhhheeee ehhhe heheuuueeeee'

baby for 'come get me now!!!!'

i run upstairs, and am so excited about the WHOLE DAY i get to spend with my munchkins, and how i can't wait, and we'll have so much fun, and the first thing out of Lizzy's mouth as soon as she stopes crying and i pick her up is "mama, wher's daddy?"

you believe that?

well at least LoLo was happy enough to see me, even if it is only for that mommy juice she never seems to get quite enough of (speaking of which, i was encouraged to hear that it's actually quite common to not get a lot of milk out your first few times of pumping, since it's a whole diffferent feeling, your body has to get used to it... i have a lot less doubt now that i do in fact produce more than enough milk for my 'little el chunko' as i call her...)

anywhoo... after thatthe morning went on asusual, with a little bit more happiness on my part and an uncanny obsession with the whereabouts of 'daddy'on Lizzy's part...

i had the notion to casll my mom to meet us at the park ffor lunch, since i would've been bringing lunch in for us normally but wasn't coming in today...

she did, and i couldn't believe i made it there, with both kids dressed and a full diaper bag, and lunch, all within 45 minutes of calling my mom...!!!

did i mention lizzy had a sty?

well i didn't know what to call it yet, and part of my hope in meeting my mom for lunch was that she would...

she did

'she looks like she's got a sty in her eye honey!' she says with that worried and yet sweet motherly voice i have yet to master...

'is that what it is?'
'how do you know'
'i was hoping you'dknow'
'what do i do'

it actually did look kind of crazy, i mean the way it defformed her face a little, gave it this droopy look, i had assumed it was a bite, but then got worried at the word 'sty'

turns out it's not that big of a deal, but it was a sad thing to see...

well, anyhoo, my mom didn't sound too concerned just said i shouldn't let herr rub it, and after grammy lefft we did ffinally have all that fun i was imagining...

and LoLo was sooo good and eventually fell asleep in her seat, while me and the big mini laughed and played and chased each other around, went down slides and swung on swings and rocked on ducky's and dolphins, and played peek-a-boo

it really was great and made my day so easily worth calling wonderful...,

especially when another mom came up and 'just had to say' how happy we looked, and what a good mother i was and that she just loved to watch me really enjoy my children...

it was so encouraging to hear, even though i would normally be totally weirded out, she just seemed so genuine, and i really was having a blast with my girls and was so stoked just to be there, and the fact that someone else noticed, made it all the more real and true.

it felt so good

later, during their nap, i looked up sty's on google for what to do- how to treat them, and only one website freaked me out, which is good cuz i have a history of getting worked up over websites and anything to do with the health of babies or pregnant mothers...

most sites agreed that a warm compress applied for 5-10 minutes 3-4x a day was the best method for trating them and that it was only nessescary to go to the doctor if it got worse after a few days or looked more serious or infected...

well after her nap her eye was closed almost all the way, and she wouldn't sit still or quiet for the compress, and i was growing fearful, but.... i'll skip to today, it's almost all the way gone now....

and as for the rest of the day, if you're still reading, around 3:45 i realized my dad may not be home in time for me to leave the kids and go pick up eddie from work (who gets offf at 4:3o), so i called and asked if my mom could, since they work in the same building affter all, and luckily she had a hair appointment and was leaving early anyway - she normally leaves at about 6- and she tells me to remind dad that it's his turn to cook dinner..

'great...' i thought i have no idea when he's getting home...

well he got home a little before 5 and i 'remind' him of the'dinner' he totally forgot he was supposed to make, and so he starts right away, with chiken he says will take hours, and i think that the hubby and the grammy will be home by 5 cuz i managed to totally forget about the hair appointment and so, when their not home till almost 7, i am a little frazled with worry, but slightly relieved that no one would be mad at dad for a late dinner....

which wasn't ready to eat till a little after 8!!! again.... which means the kids weren't ready for bed till a little after 10!! again!!! and of course, the hubby asks at 10:05 'how come the kids aren't in bed?' as i am struggling to put a diaper on the most wiggly, reaching, grabbing, turning, twisting, kicking, crawling, determined to conquer the world, baby ever!!! and the other one is still chanting 'no' in response to my request for her to lay down....

gosh, not a minute goes by, i swear, where my mothering skills are not in question!!!

save for those few precious moments of receiving praise from a stranger...

10:30, kids are asleep - finally!!!

11:30 so am i ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Thursday, September 14, 2006

i had to change some of the post below (a taste of her own medicine)- i felt a little harsh...
and then i vented a little more here and i think i feel better...
i know it's probably a tired subject for some but it's my life and, for me it's really rough, and seems to get only harder...

Monday, September 11, 2006

let's face it...


I really miss San Francisco...

Sunday, September 10, 2006

ah yes, it has been awhile...

time and circumstance have been having their way with me.

that and the realization that i am trully a boring person...

mostly all i write about is my kids, and i hardly ever see them...

and whatever other semblance of meaningful talk that may bounce around my head, hasn't found the availability in my schedule to be poured out anywhere that makes any sense....

hense me talking poor lisa's ear off for over an hour, sorry about that... were you even able to follow my babbling across any line of logic?

well... such is liffe

haha, a taste of her own medicine...

except i don't know that that's the right cliche'
oh well

it still felt at least a little good to hear Adora say 'no' to GRAMMY'S request for kisses (for once)... she's maybe done it a total of 3 times now, and i am starting to feel just a tad bit guilty with how i almost enjoy it.

i always wanted my kids to love their grandparents, it just never ocured to me that they would PREFER them...

and i have to fight the belief that my mom is only all too smug about it all, so to hear her say she now knows how i feel, and was saddened, i felt like it was only fair... at least for her to see that it really does hurt me, and for her to not just get defensive with me but actually sympathise... it was nice...

Sunday, September 03, 2006

if mornings are heaven, weekends are even more so...

during the week, if i am lucky, i will wake up at just the right time- the few moments right after my mom has left for work, and before either of the girls have awoke.

in this time, i just breathe...

plain and simple.

in and out i let my breath fill and retreat from my lungs, i enjoy my cup of coffee, and i just sit there, without even one single thought on my mind but how good it is to sit in the peace and quiet.

and even greater of a blessing, is when adora will rise, and call for ME of all people, and be happy to see me come to get her, and we will chat and cuddle, her with her 'ba ba' and me with my 'joe', and maybe play a little baby einstein video, and all is right as rain.

and then Cloe will rise and want her 'milkies', which i so cheerfully give, and adora will munch on cereal, till i am ready to make us some eggs and chloe to play in her thingamabob which i have yet to discover the name of...(where the baby sits in this round-a-bout thing and plays with little gadgets all around and practices standing and all that fun stuff)

and then, when daddy's ready to get up, i set into gear and get ready for work; pick out some clothes, maybe shower, make my lunch, do my hair (just kidding) and then off i go...

but best yet,
is the day like no other.
Saturday.
when i have no reason whatsoever to wake up even a minute sooner than either of my munchkins, and i have absolutely nothing to get ready for or do, save the wonderful times we do get to go to gram and grampa gill's, which is quite delightful most of the time, and i only wish we went more often...

but ah...
yes
saturdays are gold...

friday nights are gold, cuz i'm not kicking myself every ten minutes to get my but into bed, but actually allow myself to enjoy every single second of it.

and saturdays i awake as if awaking to freedom.