my husband thinks this is hilarious...
so... (set the scene...)
we were watching one of our favorite shows - curb your enthusiasm, (the website for it is fairly dull, otherwise i'd link you there, but i'm sure if you're curious enough you can look it up on google -if you haven't already seen or heard of it that is), and we were each laying on seperate couches...
attemptive blueprint didn't work, so i drew a picture...
anyhooo....
we're all perfectly content, me eating a bowl of cereal, ed finally made it to the couch and the dog curled up on the floor next to me...
the show practically just started, and we were just getting in to the plot, and lo an behold, some-thing came to join the crowd... a spider.. on my couch... it came crawling just up over the back and stopped almost as if in recognition that i saw it, it just stood still... if i didn't know any better i'd say we made 'eye contact'
at this point i should mention that i REALLY!!!!! DON'T!!!!! LIKE!!!!! SPIDERS!!!!
but since it stopped, i figured i could slowly ease off the couch and either kill it or get Ed to catch it and put it outside-(he hates killing spiders), ... but just as i'm easing my way in to a slow and cautious creep off the couch ...
the thing straight bum rushes me!!! i mean it really bolted, maybe the fastest i had ever seen a spider move.... but posssibly no faster than i flew off the couch in a terrified leap, landing right on poor buddy (the dog) who let's out a very loud yelp and as i catch my balance from off of him my hand lands straight in my cereal bowl (that i had managed to just set down when i was still in slow motion) at just the right angle to flip it clear upside down! and all over the coffee table!!!
before my nerves get a chance to calm down hubby starts yelling at me saying i broke the dog's leg, and i got a little scared, as he was holding it straight out and shaking a little bit... i tried coaxing him and calming him, and got him to lay down and eventually felt brave enough to feel his leg, which after good inspection seemed to be fine, and i even got him to walk on it..
and then
once the shock of everything was wearing off,
my beloved husband starts cracking up, i mean REALLY LAUGHING!!! the hardest i have ever seen him laugh.. it even got to that silent laugh where he couldn't breath and his face was all red and i couldn't tell if he was having a seizure or dying of an agggressive laugh attack...
when he could make any noise or talk it was only to replay the whole scene that had him in an hysteria... it would come out in these broken bits in a strained squeaky voice... 'and then... the spider..... stopped.... and i could.... feel you.... getting scareder.....and then...pkheeewwwww PLOP yeeeelp' (his sound effects of me bouncing off the couch - onto the dog - the dogs pain- and on and on he would go...
'this itty bitty thing....' and he would hold up his his fingers in the 'little' symbol, pointer and thumb spaced barely apart...
'had the power to move this massive...' yes he actually reffered to me as massive... thanks honey....
he could not stop laughing... for almost an hour....
it was rediculous...
humiliating....
he wouldn't stop....
i thought it would go on all night....
anyway... i guess you had to be there...
we were watching one of our favorite shows - curb your enthusiasm, (the website for it is fairly dull, otherwise i'd link you there, but i'm sure if you're curious enough you can look it up on google -if you haven't already seen or heard of it that is), and we were each laying on seperate couches...
attemptive blueprint didn't work, so i drew a picture...
anyhooo....
we're all perfectly content, me eating a bowl of cereal, ed finally made it to the couch and the dog curled up on the floor next to me...
the show practically just started, and we were just getting in to the plot, and lo an behold, some-thing came to join the crowd... a spider.. on my couch... it came crawling just up over the back and stopped almost as if in recognition that i saw it, it just stood still... if i didn't know any better i'd say we made 'eye contact'
at this point i should mention that i REALLY!!!!! DON'T!!!!! LIKE!!!!! SPIDERS!!!!
but since it stopped, i figured i could slowly ease off the couch and either kill it or get Ed to catch it and put it outside-(he hates killing spiders), ... but just as i'm easing my way in to a slow and cautious creep off the couch ...
the thing straight bum rushes me!!! i mean it really bolted, maybe the fastest i had ever seen a spider move.... but posssibly no faster than i flew off the couch in a terrified leap, landing right on poor buddy (the dog) who let's out a very loud yelp and as i catch my balance from off of him my hand lands straight in my cereal bowl (that i had managed to just set down when i was still in slow motion) at just the right angle to flip it clear upside down! and all over the coffee table!!!
before my nerves get a chance to calm down hubby starts yelling at me saying i broke the dog's leg, and i got a little scared, as he was holding it straight out and shaking a little bit... i tried coaxing him and calming him, and got him to lay down and eventually felt brave enough to feel his leg, which after good inspection seemed to be fine, and i even got him to walk on it..
and then
once the shock of everything was wearing off,
my beloved husband starts cracking up, i mean REALLY LAUGHING!!! the hardest i have ever seen him laugh.. it even got to that silent laugh where he couldn't breath and his face was all red and i couldn't tell if he was having a seizure or dying of an agggressive laugh attack...
when he could make any noise or talk it was only to replay the whole scene that had him in an hysteria... it would come out in these broken bits in a strained squeaky voice... 'and then... the spider..... stopped.... and i could.... feel you.... getting scareder.....and then...pkheeewwwww PLOP yeeeelp' (his sound effects of me bouncing off the couch - onto the dog - the dogs pain- and on and on he would go...
'this itty bitty thing....' and he would hold up his his fingers in the 'little' symbol, pointer and thumb spaced barely apart...
'had the power to move this massive...' yes he actually reffered to me as massive... thanks honey....
he could not stop laughing... for almost an hour....
it was rediculous...
humiliating....
he wouldn't stop....
i thought it would go on all night....
anyway... i guess you had to be there...
posted by 1weirdgirl at 8:46 PM
8 Comments:
hey girl!
i've been trying to find a way to get a hold of you - are you still using cloth diapers? i remember you had the scoop on the softest & most absorbent ones and my friend is looking to find some. any suggestions? please email me!!! thanks...
christy.brown@gmail.com
The way you told it had me laughing pretty good! So are you guys going to come visit? Any time is good now that Bob is on his "sabbatical" (meaning, unemployed)
Yes, but, but .... WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SPIDER? Did it just get to cause all that mayhem and then slink off behind the couch again, laughing all the way? Or did one of you at least get the satisfaction of smushing the nasty thing to a more appropriate level of thinness?
To Love, Honor and Dismay
oh man!! i forgot that part!!!
thanks for reminding me.
the end should say:
'and after ALL THAT the dang little spider GOT AWAY!!!'
which i think amused my husband even more...
This was THE BEST laugh i've had in a week!!!! I was laughing so much! Oh, i will read this every time i need a real pick me up. You are my brilliant girl renee. I love you.
I get so upset when the spider gets away! I'm like screaming AAAHHH! Curtis kill it, and he takes his time, then misses, then it's gone, and I know it's gonna come back and get me! I hate spiders! I totally understand. At least the bowl of cereal didn't fly up and land on your head! I wonder if Ed would have laughed so hard if it had landed on him or something?! Did you laugh after too?
well- he always laughs at my calamities, which usually makes me mad, and i was in this case too, but after a while, he was just laughing so hard, i couldn't help it, i did eventually join in... mostly though at the sight of him red and breathless...
I'm glad that you didn't break the dog's leg. And I just want to say that I can TOTALLY picture this.
Post a Comment
<< Home