THHRRUUSSHH!!!!!!!

if i could just fall over dead right now....

i am so sad and mad and feeling bad and wish oh wish there were never ever such a thing as thrush...

all along, since day one, Chloe has been my "pain free nurser"

only deemed so because Adora's early nursing days were so painful...

but then again, i did get mastitis with her.. that was pretty painful....
but thrush!?!?!! thrush is the worst!!! mostly because the pain is directly associated with nursing... i mean, with mastitis you just hurt, but the actual act of nursing doesn't add to the pain at all, in fact it can be a relief...

but with thrush, nursing becomes the most herrendously painful thing on earth... i mean i might as well sign myself up for torture sessions... and it is so sad because i LOVE to nurse my babies... and i have been so stoked with Chloe and how well it has gone... up untill now....

what to do????

with adora, nothing worked.. i tried GSE and my nipples got so dried out and almost bled,
gentian violet worked in her mouth but did nothing for the shooting pains through my back
i drank acidophilus every day... i mostly quit sugar....(which i think may be the main culprit here)but it wasn't untill i took diflucan orally for 2 weeks that it went away....

so... about the sugar...

i'm afraid it is my own fault...

i have totally let go on dieting...

i was getting so depressed (not to make excuses) and was so hungry all the time, and really wanting, if not needing, comfort foods... and well... one thing led to another, and before i knew it i'm eating chocolate and ice cream everyday...

LAME LAME STUPID STUPID me...

Devon... i am hopeless without you!!!

anywya... the real kicker, i guess, is the lack of medical aid here... so... it's off to the drugstore, in hopes that something over the counter will do the trick...

i will start with the GSE and the immunity boosters and the probiotics, in hopes that they will prove effective this time...

but unfortunately Chloe already has a really bad rash thtat won't go away so i'm gonna need a cream for her, and there are some that i can use directly on my nipples even....

sooo.....

there you have it... the breastfeeding devil strikes again...

the very last thing i want to do is wean...

but if i have to, the bright side would be the solving of 2 other problems...
1. i can get a job and not worry about pumping
and
2. i can start a more drastic form of weight loss without fear of harming the baby...

but these are worst case, end of the list, last option scenerios...

i'm just trying to look on the bright side...

Ed thinks i should just quit nursing... in his defense he says it's cuz he just doesn't want to see me go throught that much pain again... but he is committed to supporting me in whateer descision i make...