Today...
today is an odd day...
there is much before us, and just as much behind us...
we have come a long way, and yet have so far to go...
but these are general stements, that actually apply to more than one specific...
we are in another hotel... hopefully our last on this trip... and I have all the time in the world... to question everything....
we weren't even at the gathering one complete night, and I feel both relieved about that, and robbed at the same time...
I love the gathering... I love the woods... I love hearing "welcome home" even though it is not my home- but it is 'not my home' for different reasons than some... the world is not my home, and that is just that, but funny enough, i feel more at home at the gathering than anywhere else...
but even this is not because i consider myself to be rainbow family..it is because i feel like it is something i can do... i feel like i know my place... that is, untill last night...
i have much to say on this.. but i don't want to speak too soon... i just feel like everything is changing, but not in the ways i want it to.. and it has nothing to do with the mosquitoes, though they were incredibly hungry, and EVERYWHERE, and driving me absolutely crazy... nor does it have to do with any of the other inconveniences of life in the woods... i feel i could handle all of that very well, especially if i'd been a little more prepared this year- which is somewhat of the major issue I am having right now, but it has more to do with the unpreparedness of everyone we came with, and how nothing seems to be going the way it should, and i am so sad right now and torn apart...
i feel like i am in the middle of watching one of my favorite movies on VHS and the VCR is eating the tape and distorting it herrendously and yet instead of the tape just being ruined and the actual movie still the same, that i could easily go and get another copy of, rather it is the movie itself that is being changed, and all the charachters are messing up their lines, and going off the script, and the stage is falling apart and the whole plot is twisting and all I can think is NOO!!! it doesn't happen this way...this is not how the story goes!!!
And the hardest part is that there is very little I can do about it, and further more, i have way too many other things I NEED to be doing right now and it is all just very sad...
well... for those who are dying to know the less ambiguous version, i am promising to write again soon... but for now i must try for a little more sleep, and then some food, and then PRAY PRAY PRAY for what we feel we need to do, and then more sleep and then back on the road to illionois, and then i will fill all in...
love, hugs, prayers and kisses
toodle-oo
there is much before us, and just as much behind us...
we have come a long way, and yet have so far to go...
but these are general stements, that actually apply to more than one specific...
we are in another hotel... hopefully our last on this trip... and I have all the time in the world... to question everything....
we weren't even at the gathering one complete night, and I feel both relieved about that, and robbed at the same time...
I love the gathering... I love the woods... I love hearing "welcome home" even though it is not my home- but it is 'not my home' for different reasons than some... the world is not my home, and that is just that, but funny enough, i feel more at home at the gathering than anywhere else...
but even this is not because i consider myself to be rainbow family..it is because i feel like it is something i can do... i feel like i know my place... that is, untill last night...
i have much to say on this.. but i don't want to speak too soon... i just feel like everything is changing, but not in the ways i want it to.. and it has nothing to do with the mosquitoes, though they were incredibly hungry, and EVERYWHERE, and driving me absolutely crazy... nor does it have to do with any of the other inconveniences of life in the woods... i feel i could handle all of that very well, especially if i'd been a little more prepared this year- which is somewhat of the major issue I am having right now, but it has more to do with the unpreparedness of everyone we came with, and how nothing seems to be going the way it should, and i am so sad right now and torn apart...
i feel like i am in the middle of watching one of my favorite movies on VHS and the VCR is eating the tape and distorting it herrendously and yet instead of the tape just being ruined and the actual movie still the same, that i could easily go and get another copy of, rather it is the movie itself that is being changed, and all the charachters are messing up their lines, and going off the script, and the stage is falling apart and the whole plot is twisting and all I can think is NOO!!! it doesn't happen this way...this is not how the story goes!!!
And the hardest part is that there is very little I can do about it, and further more, i have way too many other things I NEED to be doing right now and it is all just very sad...
well... for those who are dying to know the less ambiguous version, i am promising to write again soon... but for now i must try for a little more sleep, and then some food, and then PRAY PRAY PRAY for what we feel we need to do, and then more sleep and then back on the road to illionois, and then i will fill all in...
love, hugs, prayers and kisses
toodle-oo
posted by 1weirdgirl at 12:53 PM
4 Comments:
I faithfully checked everyday because I had this desperate desire to know you were okay, but yet somewhat of a dread knowing that there was probably a lot of inner turmoil rumbling through your head. My prayer was that you, Ed and the girls were safe and that somehow, you'd make this an adventure, which life certainly is.
You have such a way with words and pictures and both those together make me feel like i can catch what you're saying. I wish we could have all planned for months and gone together to the gathering. Your right on the preparedness tip. There are one thousand things to think of beforehand, and i'm speaking literally here. But you are off to the big ill and can start plans for next years R.G. and we'll all promise to go. Oh i hope its in Oregon like some people think it will be. Ick on the mosquitoes. They are probably my most serious bane. If only we could do some kind of homeopathic dosage of some kind that would make us all immune to the reactions we have to their poison. I'll check that out. I'll be waitting to hear from you, the weekend is here now so we should get on our phones and talk. i love you, devon
Just want to tell you we love you, and pray for you, and support you.
I am thinking that Today is an odd day too.... Why can't i get ahold of my friend? Thursday, 4:49 am, can't sleep, thinking about you, and you know i love to sleep...
Post a Comment
<< Home