whew!!!
(this is from the first night after we left...)
It seems like my life just got struck by an insanity storm. Its been dumping and pouring and the winds have been howling and tearing up houses and lives and me...
I don't know what it is about me, but sometimes I feel like I just can't handle life... like it's either too hard, or I'm just not cut out for it...
I forget everything, I'm very easily angered and freak out under stress... I'm clumsy, totally irrational at times, I cuss a lot, I never get enough sleep... I'm lazy, mean, irritable, generally grumpy... every little mistake or minor inconvenience and I just lose it and get so mad and want to punch holes in walls or break things.... (it actually occured to me once, when filling out an application for a job someplace, to list all this under the part where it asked "how would you describe yourself?")
But then, there are these times, where everything, litterally, is falling apart all around me, my whole world is crashing and turning upside down and inside out and all scattered into a million broken peices(or feels very near to it), and I am calm as lake michigan... (or some other big lake that appears calm if you compare it to the ocean...)
Anyway.. so this storm hit my life, made a big mess, scared the hell out of me, threw everything i owned all over the lawn, turned me into a nervous miserable wreck, and left... and I am now officially homeless, living out of my car, which is packed with almost everything we own, except for the storage space harboring our fugitive belongings that didn't sell in the moving sale and almost got hauled to goodwill or the dump, until we decided, at the very last minute possible, to go ahead and save it all and try to come back in a month or two and find another place to haul it all into... ( we are just now half way through the year, and we've already moved 3 times... two of those times were all in this last week... and now we are on the road... Yay me!!!
Anyway, again, gosh hows that for a ramble?... or a jumbled mess trying it's best to mirror the images bouncing around my mind and heart, and I am so tired I could cry... or die... or just sigh... hhhhhhhh sighhhhh... and yawn.... I think I'll post this in the morning... I must go to sleep...
It seems like my life just got struck by an insanity storm. Its been dumping and pouring and the winds have been howling and tearing up houses and lives and me...
I don't know what it is about me, but sometimes I feel like I just can't handle life... like it's either too hard, or I'm just not cut out for it...
I forget everything, I'm very easily angered and freak out under stress... I'm clumsy, totally irrational at times, I cuss a lot, I never get enough sleep... I'm lazy, mean, irritable, generally grumpy... every little mistake or minor inconvenience and I just lose it and get so mad and want to punch holes in walls or break things.... (it actually occured to me once, when filling out an application for a job someplace, to list all this under the part where it asked "how would you describe yourself?")
But then, there are these times, where everything, litterally, is falling apart all around me, my whole world is crashing and turning upside down and inside out and all scattered into a million broken peices(or feels very near to it), and I am calm as lake michigan... (or some other big lake that appears calm if you compare it to the ocean...)
Anyway.. so this storm hit my life, made a big mess, scared the hell out of me, threw everything i owned all over the lawn, turned me into a nervous miserable wreck, and left... and I am now officially homeless, living out of my car, which is packed with almost everything we own, except for the storage space harboring our fugitive belongings that didn't sell in the moving sale and almost got hauled to goodwill or the dump, until we decided, at the very last minute possible, to go ahead and save it all and try to come back in a month or two and find another place to haul it all into... ( we are just now half way through the year, and we've already moved 3 times... two of those times were all in this last week... and now we are on the road... Yay me!!!
Anyway, again, gosh hows that for a ramble?... or a jumbled mess trying it's best to mirror the images bouncing around my mind and heart, and I am so tired I could cry... or die... or just sigh... hhhhhhhh sighhhhh... and yawn.... I think I'll post this in the morning... I must go to sleep...
posted by 1weirdgirl at 3:18 AM
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