a random story I started to write about a few weeks ago, and after every interruption in the world I am just now deciding to finish and post
So, I'm thinking I may have been a little traumatized from living in the city (where I recently moved from)...
I was walking LoLo home from a doctor's appointment the other day, the sun was warm, the wind it's perfect compliment, and everything about the walk was so peaceful and easy, and sweet...
And then, out of nowhere, this lady came up behind me, and I knew she had just crossed he street, but seemed to have done so faster than I would've thought possible, and it startled me a little so I turned to look, and something about the intensity in her eyes as she said "hi" a little too excitedly, chilled me near to the bone..
She started to speak again, all hurried, and I got so scarred as I noticed she was getting even closer, and then... so fast... she just passed right by me, and kept on walking, speed walking really, with nothing more as her concern and then it registered...
All she had said as she was passing me was "I'm just gonna scoot right by you... thanks"
And it occurred to me that maybe she was just in a hurry, late to somewhere, and what I took for a crazed look in her eyes was probably just the result from her having already been walking fast, and she wasn't a crazy person at all just some random lady, dressed rather business like and probably headed somewhere important. She wasn't coming after me, or my baby, and everything was just fine...
At this point I noticed that my heart had been pounding, and I had really been more than a little shaken up...
It had brought back so many memories of the city, where I couldn't hardly walk across the street to the store with out someone saying some random perverted comment, or wanting to touch my baby, or looking at me a little too interestedly, or wanting something from me, be it a cigarette, or some spare change, or company of some impure kind.
When I say city, I'm referring to San Francisco. We've recently moved from there, and I guess you could say I'm still adjusting.
San Francisco is a strange city, and we lived right on Haight St... one of the most interesting neighborhoods I know... right above a bar and a coffee shop, next to the famous Amoeba Records, and across the street from a club... There were fights outside our windows just about every night.. serious fights too, and probably every cuss word known to man would come floating into our bed or living rooms, not so softly, a few dozen times a day, at any and all hours
the incident I was most reminded of though occurred downtown at the public library, which I think is like some sort of hang out or social club for crazy homeless people and I mean really crazy... scary crazy, and smelly too... Maybe someone reading this will think I am exaggerating, and that person has either never been there, or if they were they didn't pay attention... Then again maybe having a very young daughter with you can make a person a little over sensitive, I don't know... I just know that for me, since this one incident it has been a very difficult place to go...
so, anyway, I was at the library, with my husband, and my daughter, who was around 6 months old, was in her stroller... My husband and I had separated for a time and I was just walking around, when I got the distinct feeling that I was being watched... closely... invadingly... when I finally discovered the source of the attention, I made the mistake of making eye contact with a woman who to me appeared in a deranged zombie like state of mind, and who, the moment our eyes met, became so intentionaly focused on me and seemed to almost come alive with this need to come near to me and my "baby, ... baby... baby..." she kept saying monotonously and quietly, with this freakish sort of grin and scary almost perverted sort of interest...
oh my gosh' I thought 'I gotta get out of here...'
I thought if I could just get away from her she would soon forget about me, but after I lost her the first time- luckily she walked rather slow- I noticed, when I tried observing her from a distance that she appeared to be looking for me... I thought that maybe I was imagining it, but I went to find and tell my husband anyway, and while I was talking to him, convinced she had no idea where I was, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her! And she was coming towards me!... She really looked like a zombie now and I began to get really scared.., maybe not like a zombie as in the undead, but this odd sort of 'not all there' look. My husband on the other hand thought nothing of it, and the more I acted upset, the more he wanted to make fun of me.
Well, to make a long story short, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and was already crying, when after a few attempts to get away from her she'd find me again every time... I finally convinced my husband to hurry up, and that I was gonna leave with or without him, and just as I made it to the elevator she just popped up behind me.. like the lady from the walk home the other day... now, when I think of it, I can't even remember how it went exactly from there.. I think I yelled at her real loud, and said no a bunch of times, all the while she would just say "baby" over and over again with her hand reaching towards her, and somehow, not one ounce short of the grace of God I imagine, I was able to finally get away from her long enough to get on the elevator and get the heck outside...
It has only just now come to mind how affected by it all I really must have been. What happened on my walk home was not normal... I mean that's just not a typical response a person should have when encountering another human being on a stroll. And even as I think about that time in the city, I wonder if, like my husband thinks, it really wasn't that bad.. I mean, who knows what was going on in the lady's head.. I guess that's what scares me, but I mean she could've been totally harmless, and just wanted to look at a sweet baby and congradulate me or something... it's hard, even in memory to tell what was all in my head or what was really happenning, I guess there's no way to know for sure... maybe she was a bad person, maybe she was posessed, maybe she was a murdering kidnapper, maybe she just had a few mental problems, and really just needed to be loved, like every other hurt, broken, messed up or otherwise not quite right person... and maybe I've watched too many scarry movies, and heard a lot of horror stories, and happened to live in a city that a lot of christians claim is densely populated by demons (and probably is), and maybe sometimes I simply get, more than a little, freaked out...
God help me...
I was walking LoLo home from a doctor's appointment the other day, the sun was warm, the wind it's perfect compliment, and everything about the walk was so peaceful and easy, and sweet...
And then, out of nowhere, this lady came up behind me, and I knew she had just crossed he street, but seemed to have done so faster than I would've thought possible, and it startled me a little so I turned to look, and something about the intensity in her eyes as she said "hi" a little too excitedly, chilled me near to the bone..
She started to speak again, all hurried, and I got so scarred as I noticed she was getting even closer, and then... so fast... she just passed right by me, and kept on walking, speed walking really, with nothing more as her concern and then it registered...
All she had said as she was passing me was "I'm just gonna scoot right by you... thanks"
And it occurred to me that maybe she was just in a hurry, late to somewhere, and what I took for a crazed look in her eyes was probably just the result from her having already been walking fast, and she wasn't a crazy person at all just some random lady, dressed rather business like and probably headed somewhere important. She wasn't coming after me, or my baby, and everything was just fine...
At this point I noticed that my heart had been pounding, and I had really been more than a little shaken up...
It had brought back so many memories of the city, where I couldn't hardly walk across the street to the store with out someone saying some random perverted comment, or wanting to touch my baby, or looking at me a little too interestedly, or wanting something from me, be it a cigarette, or some spare change, or company of some impure kind.
When I say city, I'm referring to San Francisco. We've recently moved from there, and I guess you could say I'm still adjusting.
San Francisco is a strange city, and we lived right on Haight St... one of the most interesting neighborhoods I know... right above a bar and a coffee shop, next to the famous Amoeba Records, and across the street from a club... There were fights outside our windows just about every night.. serious fights too, and probably every cuss word known to man would come floating into our bed or living rooms, not so softly, a few dozen times a day, at any and all hours
the incident I was most reminded of though occurred downtown at the public library, which I think is like some sort of hang out or social club for crazy homeless people and I mean really crazy... scary crazy, and smelly too... Maybe someone reading this will think I am exaggerating, and that person has either never been there, or if they were they didn't pay attention... Then again maybe having a very young daughter with you can make a person a little over sensitive, I don't know... I just know that for me, since this one incident it has been a very difficult place to go...
so, anyway, I was at the library, with my husband, and my daughter, who was around 6 months old, was in her stroller... My husband and I had separated for a time and I was just walking around, when I got the distinct feeling that I was being watched... closely... invadingly... when I finally discovered the source of the attention, I made the mistake of making eye contact with a woman who to me appeared in a deranged zombie like state of mind, and who, the moment our eyes met, became so intentionaly focused on me and seemed to almost come alive with this need to come near to me and my "baby, ... baby... baby..." she kept saying monotonously and quietly, with this freakish sort of grin and scary almost perverted sort of interest...
oh my gosh' I thought 'I gotta get out of here...'
I thought if I could just get away from her she would soon forget about me, but after I lost her the first time- luckily she walked rather slow- I noticed, when I tried observing her from a distance that she appeared to be looking for me... I thought that maybe I was imagining it, but I went to find and tell my husband anyway, and while I was talking to him, convinced she had no idea where I was, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her! And she was coming towards me!... She really looked like a zombie now and I began to get really scared.., maybe not like a zombie as in the undead, but this odd sort of 'not all there' look. My husband on the other hand thought nothing of it, and the more I acted upset, the more he wanted to make fun of me.
Well, to make a long story short, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and was already crying, when after a few attempts to get away from her she'd find me again every time... I finally convinced my husband to hurry up, and that I was gonna leave with or without him, and just as I made it to the elevator she just popped up behind me.. like the lady from the walk home the other day... now, when I think of it, I can't even remember how it went exactly from there.. I think I yelled at her real loud, and said no a bunch of times, all the while she would just say "baby" over and over again with her hand reaching towards her, and somehow, not one ounce short of the grace of God I imagine, I was able to finally get away from her long enough to get on the elevator and get the heck outside...
It has only just now come to mind how affected by it all I really must have been. What happened on my walk home was not normal... I mean that's just not a typical response a person should have when encountering another human being on a stroll. And even as I think about that time in the city, I wonder if, like my husband thinks, it really wasn't that bad.. I mean, who knows what was going on in the lady's head.. I guess that's what scares me, but I mean she could've been totally harmless, and just wanted to look at a sweet baby and congradulate me or something... it's hard, even in memory to tell what was all in my head or what was really happenning, I guess there's no way to know for sure... maybe she was a bad person, maybe she was posessed, maybe she was a murdering kidnapper, maybe she just had a few mental problems, and really just needed to be loved, like every other hurt, broken, messed up or otherwise not quite right person... and maybe I've watched too many scarry movies, and heard a lot of horror stories, and happened to live in a city that a lot of christians claim is densely populated by demons (and probably is), and maybe sometimes I simply get, more than a little, freaked out...
God help me...
posted by 1weirdgirl at 8:32 PM
2 Comments:
God will and does protect you. I think I know you pretty well and that you're reacting out of protection for your babies. You weren't always like that. In fact you would scare me because you always seemed willing and compassionate towards talking to people. It's a very different experience when you have a small being that you're protecting and very natural instinct for a mother. Unfortunately dear, it's one of those character flaws you've inherited. There's no gray area for you. Black or White. You're just reacting and protecting what's so precious to you. Interesting that the word verification here is U C Who.
That sounds terrible renee! I was laughing a little bit though. Maybe out of nervous energy and how eerie the lady was and that shed say just 'baby' and i did'nt know how the story was going to end. Now that you mention all those comments and looks etc. even just while crossing the street to Cala i remember a dozen things that a man or somebody would say that were so rude and offensive. I do not miss that!
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