i feel myself slipping in to a deeper and darker hole than i have ever known...
all around me are those attempting to pour wisdom into my life, but i cannot hear them...
years ago, when i was about to have an abortion, my mother tried to persuade me not to by telling me of the joy beyond compare that i would only know from having a child...
for years after i wished i had listened...
and then, after coming to the Lord and marrying the man I love, when we came to have our chilcren, i got to experience a little of that joy and love i had heard about...
but no one ever warned me of the heartache, and rejection and dispair i would also know from that same child...
no one could have prepared me for the anguish i now face...
the day after day of not only being rejected repeatedly in every concieveable way, but also the watching her unabashed ease of loving, accepting and longing for every other breathing creature on the face of the earth besides me...
all around me are those attempting to pour wisdom into my life, but i cannot hear them...
years ago, when i was about to have an abortion, my mother tried to persuade me not to by telling me of the joy beyond compare that i would only know from having a child...
for years after i wished i had listened...
and then, after coming to the Lord and marrying the man I love, when we came to have our chilcren, i got to experience a little of that joy and love i had heard about...
but no one ever warned me of the heartache, and rejection and dispair i would also know from that same child...
no one could have prepared me for the anguish i now face...
the day after day of not only being rejected repeatedly in every concieveable way, but also the watching her unabashed ease of loving, accepting and longing for every other breathing creature on the face of the earth besides me...
posted by 1weirdgirl at 1:45 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Renee... it really is a stage. Seriously. She'll change so quickly, you'll forget this whole no mommy thing ever happened. Although it will probably happen again, kids are like that. It's part of being the mom, I guess.
You know that I think she does it purposely. But do you hear her in the morning? I did right before I left for work. She kept saying, Ma-Ma, Ma-Ma. Then she'd wait a few minutes and start all over. But you'll see, she'll come around. She also takes you for granted. You're always there for her.
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