I Hope

Someday, when I'm looking back at my life, through all the hardships, seeming failures, and years spent not knowing if we'll make it... I hope to say “it was worth it”

I hope to see, more than my struggling, God's hand carrying me through...
More than my losses, the victories of my Lord

I hope that when all is said and done, it could be said, that it was all done well...

I hope that in my times of feeling aimless and lost, I will see that all along God had a plan

I hope that all my tears, will have been a watering of what came to be a beautiful garden,
that all my trials were an enriching,
and that my wounds were made into adornments of blessing...
jewels that catch the light a little brighter than I would have known them to otherwise

I hope that when I'm saying goodbye, it will be bittersweet.

Bitter not because I will miss the earth, but that the ones I have loved will miss me

And sweet not because it will finally all be over, but that I will finally be with Him, and in that sense, it will finally begin

I hope that instead of dwelling on all my mistakes, and missed chances, I will rejoice in all the opportunities I was given, and in the accomplishments that were made...

I hope that instead of wallowing in all my guilt and shame, I will be basking in the love and redemption of my Savior

I hope that whatever wisdom I have gained in this life, will be passed on to my children and my children's children

I hope that they will remember me as a mother who loved, and as a woman who worshiped and feared the Lord our God

All these things, I do not hope for in vain, for my own attributing, or glory

Nor do I hope for them because I do not think them likely

I hope for them because of the promises He has made, not only to me and for me, but in spite of me

For I know that I have it not within me to attain such

I know that I cannot grasp these things by force of will alone...

But I know, that in the hands of my Maker is the best place to be
and with Him all things are possible
and it is my prize to see what all this life has amounted to through His eyes

To see beyond my pain and heartache, into a deeper and greater love

To see not a world of torment and shattered dreams, but a torrent of healing and purifying waters that made deserts into gardens, and ashes into beauty

To see that in the deepest and darkest parts of mankind, came the outstretched arms of the One True Lover of our souls

I hope that as I'm breathing my last, the air will carry me sweetly into those arms, where pain and sorrow I will know no more

I hope to hear Him say, “come my child, come home”